i felt extremely down yesterday...

happen that i could finally talk to wing on the phone... know her feeling and such... at least she did share with me...

anyway... my parents was like nagging behind me when i chatting on the phone with wing...

in fact for those who know me real well will know that i very seldom call others de...

coz my parents will keep on nag at me when i am on the phone...

so i was telling them if the bills is expensive i will pay... then kana another round of quarreling lah...

i told them i oso seldom use phone at home... when wing is bored then she call me this once and that is wat fren was for mah... y can;t i juz chat( anyway the duration was abt 1hr)

they say y can;t i say the main pt and cut short the conversation... i was y am i restricting myself to that... last time in primary school i had the same problem when i chat with hui yee... then now is like poly or even in uni le... still care so much meh... tired le

then when they can't win me... guess wat they say that really hurts me

" U uni student, can't say win u..." and " Sorry to u, is all b'coz we poor mah, that y scared u cultivate habit of calling others to chit chat. so dun wan u to talk on phone"

i was like -_-...

wat uni student big deal meh... i felt so much stress in skool le, then i am so much heavily in debt. i am not clever lah.. so makes it even tougher... i love my family... it is juz that wat they say can simply hurt so much... n i didn't mean to hurt them too...

so wat we are not rich... i juz wish that we live happily that is all. i dun need to make everyone so burden by all these... everytime is the money topic that bring my parents the inferior feeling of themselves unable to provide more and sensitive in the money department issue... when they say that i felt so unfilial lah... not that i bother on that cash matter. but i guess i know how they feel loh...

then being hurt already... i went into my room to sob abit. while my bro was playing computer. then i try to talk to him abt it, he blame me that coz of me furthering my studies i had indeed burden on him.. he have to pay his own skool fee... he felt he was so unfortunate in this family...

like others: always the elder sacrifice for the younger siblings. but now he sacrificing coz i am studyin...

do u really think i want to study uni? i not sure myself... to me is juz additional burden to my family and myself... ( i am heavily in debt) while i could simply stay out and work...